Date movie recommendations

Not.  The boy decided that the girlfriend needed to try and understand him so he set up a date for her to see Schindler’s List.  He continues to amaze.   The girlfriend probably has no clue what has hit her with this boyfriend.  They are looking forward to celebrating their one year anniversary in June.  What can I say?

The other new concept that the boy shared with me yesterday when I asked him how he is doing in chemistry lately because he seemed as if he was “getting” it finally!  He said, “Oh, I pay attention in class.  It really helps.” 

I am.just.going.to.let.that.stand.                             NOT.

I will try that new learning technique next time around.

This post would be even funnier if I could tell you what happened when I got home today but in the interest of privacy, I really cannot.  Still I am just sitting here laughing myself silly.  What a kid.

Under the rubric of: it takes a village

Just in case you all thought that large public high schools were cold unfeeling places where nobody knows you or cares about you or your child, let me share a recent email that came from the boy’s history teacher.  This public high school is not known as the “top” high school in town either.  It is a good high school with many outstanding teachers, but it also has over 40% of its student body on free or reduced lunch - again this is just an indicator that there is a lot of need.  There are 1770 students at the school with over 85 teachers and 5 administrators.  It is a busy place with all sorts of issues.  Because it is also a visual and performing arts high school, there are numerous events and activities happening all the time.  It is hard to keep it all straight.  Yet I have found that people do care, do know you, do know the kids and take the time to communicate in most cases about important events.  Here is another example of good stuff:

Hello Ms. iagreewithme:

You may or may not know, this week we began our final unit on the Holocaust.  After class, the girlfriend came in to see me and was concerned about the boy, she said he seemed a bit down and not himself.  She asked if something had happened in class, or perhaps he was bothered by the course topic.  I told her nothing had happened in class; that perhaps the content of the topic is distressing.  The boy did seem a bit docile in class; I did not know whether perhaps he is just tired, or if the content of this unit is distressing to him.  I can’t remember if I have had any Jewish students in the past; I can certainly understand if the boy is bothered by some, if not all, of the things that are read and discussed.  I guess I’m asking for your input on this and how, if possible, we can work to alleviate any pain the boy feels from my lessons.  I feel bad if in fact his mood today stems from my lesson.  Thanks for your help.

The History Teacher

Our Reply:
Dear Mr. History Teacher,
 
My husband and I are very touched by your concern and thoughtfulness for our son.  The boy is actually extremely impressed by the fact that you are taking so much time to teach the subject and has mentioned to us on several occasions that he thinks you are an outstanding teacher and that he feels proud that you care so deeply.  He is upset by the material, BUT he feels very strongly that it needs to be taught as carefully as you are teaching it because he knows that there is a lot of ignorance out there in regard to the Holocaust especially for the vast majority of nonJews in our community.  This is the first school he has ever attended that is not a Jewish school, and it has taken some adjustment on his part.  He has had anti-semitic experiences at this school, and he is learning how to handle this. For the boy the material is not academic - it is not hypothetical.  The boy has a core connection to his people and therefore this subject is deeply unsettling.  However as unsettling as it is, it is critical that it be taught.  I think the boy is also worried about comments that could be made by other students in the class, but again, he knows he is also in a position to teach others too and that is a burden for him but also an opportunity.  I think he is worried about how he might handle it too so your concern is appreciated.  (I think it is sweet that his girlfriend is trying to be sensitive about a subject that she is not familiar with either). 
I think your sensitivity is wonderful and please keep in touch with us if you feel there is anything else we should be aware of in regard to this unit.  Thank you for all the time you put into the students at the school.  I honestly believe that it takes a village, and I am constantly amazed at the wonderful “village” of the school!

Mr. and Ms. iagreewithme
 

Happy Mother’s Day! or not.

Today is the day that I feel lucky to be in the club.  The mom club.  I also feel blessed because Mother’s Day still is about me and my children and me and my mom.  I know that some of you don’t have that anymore.    For my husband this was his first mother’s day where his mom doesn’t know who he is and it didn’t matter this year if we sent a card or flowers.  It hurts.  I know if we lived near her we would have visited, but we are far away and the phone call was answered by the caregiver.  It was just a day today for her and him. 

Another long day that has no meaning in it at all.  Just a day to take a breath and to eat a bite and to swallow a sip and to sleep and sleep and sleep.  Not a day to hug your loved one or blow a kiss or guzzle your beer or snort in laughter or put on your jewelry or smile your smile or bake the cake or drive your car or do any one of a million things that we all enjoy doing.  No just another day with no meaning at all.  It hurts like hell.

News Flash - the boy is reading…

Well it is not as exciting as it sounds (what, you don’t think that is a fascinating title for a blog post?) but around here reading for long hours constitutes thrills.  I was a huge reader as a kid and as a teen.  In fact now my reading has slowed down terribly because I am overly involved in my computer and the google world.  I read the newspaper online many days and am often blogging or reading blogs.  This is a habit I am determined to break because as much as I love reading about all of you, I find that it is often robbing me of solid hours of time that I could use to actually read.

Meanwhile, the boy’s English teacher requires an additional 1,000 pages or so of extra reading each semester which usually amounts to about 3 or 4 novels or one LONG novel.  He has the kids report to him both orally and in writing about their reading.  It is on the honor system, but the teacher is hard to fool and most of the sophomores in this honors class are on the up and up.  Meanwhile the boy has gotten involved in The Winds of War by Herman Wouk.  I remember it as sort of an historical fiction of WW2.  The boy really does love history, and it is by far his favorite subject in school so he is plowing through it pretty well.  Unfortunately he is a slow reader and right now is about on page 300 and it is approximately 800 pages long.  He has to be finished with it by June 11 or so.  I am confident that he can do it!  Go boy.

The one about the mom who was not the mom

Yeah.  Weird title.  I am a mom to two kids.  I am now sometimes a “mom” to the girlfriend.  The latest mom job is about getting the girlfriend into a community college summer class or two in order to retake two important grades that she screwed up her freshman year.  Unfortunately she did poorly in both geometry and English, and these grades are good enough for graduation credit, but not good enough to get accepted at a University.  So she needs to make these classes up and the easiest way to do that is through a summer community college program.  There is one glitch to this simple fact.  There is only one geometry course being offered this summer for the entire city that we live in at the community college nearby, and one must take an assessment test before even getting on the list but of course it is impossible to figure out when these assessment tests are given because first you are supposed to sign up but how can you sign up if they won’t tell you what to sign up FOR so then you are not on the list for the right class and on and on.  How bizarre is that?  The girlfriend has no priority for this (as she should not) because she is not a regular community college student but she needs this class.  She also needs it because she needs to learn geometry in order to do well on the SAT and of course she needs it because geometry is a fundamental math class.  She just has to put that knowledge in her brain.  She knows this.  She is on board with this.

May I tell you that navigating the waters of community college is complex.  It is not for the faint of heart.  The girlfriend’s own mother has about given up.  When I spoke to her she told me that it is so confusing and she said, “I never went to college so I don’t know.”  I felt so horrible when she said that, and I assured her, “Honey, I did go to college.  I am actually a freaking teacher and guess what?  I wouldn’t know either EXCEPT for the fact that I have an older child and have been through a variety of confusing processes before so I actually know how to figure crap out.  In addition, I am not working a full time job on top of it all so do not feel bad.  I actually have the balls and the time to NOT give up.  Goodness no wonder nobody can figure out how to manage this!”

Now you might ask, what amazing rocket science did I utilize to figure out what to do with this situation, and you must trust me when I assure you that the details are so mind numbingly boring that I am sparing you…  I actually sat on the phone for hours today and called and called and called and called and left messages and called and called and called and tried different numbers and different humans with different specialties and finally somebody named Maria (godbless) said, “OK, just come down today at 3 pm and the girlfriend can take the two assessment tests(one for English and one for geometry) and then she can be first in priority.”  OK Maria.  I will do that.  Now I happen to know that Maria has just told me something that NOBODY else ever said, and for all I know it is wrong. Dead Wrong.  But since all the other humans either were answering machine humans or voice mail humans or humans that said no you cannot take this test or no the test is offered on Friday nights at 1 am when there is a blue moon in the month of June which did not exist, I decided that today we are going there to do this thing and hope to god that it works out because otherwise I am either going to have to pay for that kid to take a class at a private summer school or pray for financial aid for her there.  She has to have this class.  SHE HAS TO.  SHE is going to escape her mother’s fate of having 3 kids and a crappy job and dependent on various boyfriends over the years.  If I can help her become her own person then I will feel that I did a good thing for someone who no matter what happens with my son and her, that she is going to be able to stand on her own two feet and know there is a big world out there, and you are not going to be dependent on anyone.  ever.

Why do I care?  I have no idea.  Maybe because she cares so I care.  I am not caring for her  — I am caring with her.  Her mom cares.  But her mom cannot see the bigger picture.  She is just trying to get through the days and weeks and months and years.  That is why gas prices matter.  Those are the people who are hurting.  Just think about that.  It might just mean that we don’t have exotic vacations for a while (’cause that is what I am cutting out right now - yeah that is our discretionary income).  Big whoop.  What if somebody had to cut out eating?  Try it.  You won’t like it.

Volunteering - why?

Some people who know me (like my husband) wonder why I volunteer so much for our kids’ schools.  That has literally been my life since the children were young.  It started in preschool and went to their elementary schools, their middle schools and then their high schools.  I have drawn the line at college!  I now have only two more years left to do my thing at our son’s high school.  I am partially relieved and partially sad.  The school that our son attends now seems actually to be the one that needs the most help.  Even though I always felt stretched thin at their private schools, the reality was that there were a lot of other parents willing and able to help.  At his public high school, there are a few of us.  It is not because the parents do not care, no.  I know that they do.  It is that they are busy working full time jobs and in some cases have multiple children still at home.  I am very fortunate in that some of the parents who consistently help me do work and yet they still help and some have part time or more flexible jobs.  Most of us who help have one kid at home and one at college or two kids at the most.  I find when people have more than two, it is just overwhelming.

Today I got some big love.  I realize that what I do comes back to me in spades and then some.  First of all, I have met some incredible parents and teachers.  I also find myself fascinated with the details of the school so I am the sort of person who loves the facts.  I also find that being appreciated is awesome.  Wow do I get appreciated by so many.  It is a blessing to have that sort of love showered on one as happened today after the faculty meeting.  I also do my volunteering at our son’s school because I care about education for all of our kids.  My projects at the school include:

1. organizing Grad night 2. organizing a nice spread for monthly faculty meetings 3. organizing the beginning and end of school faculty breakfasts and lunches 4. raising money for our foundation and its respective needs like teacher grants, science building equipment and student mentoring programs 5. organizing and being part of the athletic booster club fundraiser 6. PTSA events in general 7. working on collaborating with the other booster groups on campus to keep the communication strong

I also do this for one very selfish reason.  I do it for our own kids.  I find that when you are involved in your child’s school and you are seen as a positive person, willing to help out etc… that you have a say sometimes when appropriate in your child’s education.  I do not wish to go into it more than that for now.  But if you are someone who feels frustrated by the public school system, I recommend getting involved if you can (I know I have blogged about this before) because it is amazing how knowing what is going on will help you help your child and/or your teenager.  Do not stop helping out in high school.  They really still need you.  It is just not the same as when they were little.  It is a different kind of help.  Most schools welcome the support.  Obviously not all.  I have heard about schools that do not like parents helping.  For some reason my kids never attended a school like that!  I also want to shout out to my friend Jane, who has been with me every step of the way at this public school.  She works part time but she has been a steadfast support and worker bee.  Her husband too!  She really gets it too and that makes it a lot of fun for us both. 

The boy grows up

The other day we overheard the boy actually being an amazing mentor to his younger cousin.  Instead of bragging (as often happens), shouting, pushing or yelling, the boy was actually talking to his 12 year old cousin.  He was telling him to stick to his hockey practice, that he himself had once been a young ball player (all those years ago), and that when he was 7 he wasn’t very good (true, I remember the kid picking daisies in right field instead of focusing on the ballgame!), but he loved the game, and he stuck with it and lo, all these years later, he is a good ball player and that the hard work paid off.  Wow.  That seems like such a cliche’, but when your kid tells another kid that, it makes you realize that they get it, they really get it. 

Another great thing happened for me today in regard to the boy.  He was pulled out of his game during the last inning of his ball game.  They have only one more game after this.  They were playing the #1 team in their league and were getting smacked.  Still there was a chance, and we had beaten them one other time.  The boy had made 2 incredible plays, and yet had his first error of the season (isn’t that how baseball goes?), and his hitting was not great today even though he has been on a great streak.  So they decided to put in one of the boys who really never gets to play in the boy’s place.  (Talk about riding the pine!)  Meanwhile I knew the boy felt bad about being pulled since that never happens to him, but he told me that later the young man who had been put in for him said, “Hey I don’t know why they put me in instead of you.  I’m not good at all.”  and the boy said to him, “Don’t put yourself down like that.  It’s fine with me.”  The boy meanwhile reported this all to me very matter of fact.  But inside I beamed and said to him, “Thank you for saying that to the kid.  I appreciate that you are keeping your own feelings inside and helping him feel good about himself.”  That is what sports is really about — learning how to be a good person. 

The boy is growing up.  Damn.  I am proud of him.  (Before this post gets too sentimental, he did one of his usual bonehead moves last night.  After I made a great dinner etc…for all of us and the girlfriend, I took her home with clear instructions to the boy to make sure that the dishes were done while I was gone, and that he begin immediately on his homework.  Well I returned to find the boy in front of the television (wtf?) and a sinkful of dirty dishes.  Needless to say I went ballistic.  The cellphone was immediately confiscated.  I still have it.  He said to me, “Oh, I forgot.”  What?  You forgot that you have work to do, that there are a boatload of dirty dishes in the sink, and somehow you can plop yourself into the chair and watch mindless television which under the best of circumstances is not something that we usually allow to go on around here.  I mean what planet are you on?  So welcome to my world.  We take being proud where we can get it!

Things that I have no use for and other stuff

This post could also be titled how to be frugal (!) which if you know me is not really what I am about, but in my quest to reduce my carbon footprint, I am beginning to think like a tightwad.  Stress on the word, “beginning”.

1. Never order a drink in a restaurant.  EVER.  The only exception to this rule is if you really love wine.  Wine is an amazing drink, and if you know what you are drinking, it adds so much to a fine meal.  That being said, most of the time when people go out they waste money on junk like soda or sugary drinks.  Water from the tap thankyouverymuch.

2. Drink water from the tap (filtered) at home.  You do not need to purchase drinks at the store.  Again, a big waste of money.  Milk is good for you and the kids of course so that is one drink you should purchase.  Other than that, skip buying the drinks and offer milk and water at meals.

3. Eating out in restaurants is expensive and wasteful.   Doing takeout really doesn’t save much time when you consider the drive and the pick-up etc…  Get used to using a convection oven if you can, your microwave and/or a slow cooker.  Plan a little bit ahead.  Boil a big pot of water and make pasta.  Use your BBQ to grill meat and fish.  Keep meals simple and healthy.   Keep fresh greens handy for your salads and roast vegetables for added flavor.  Some people think they need to have complicated meals at home, and you really do not need to do that.  We also do not need to eat as much food as we think.  Cut back.  You do not need a starch and bread at every meal.  Stick to vegetables, fruits and protein.  Easier and healthier.  I would not skimp money on healthy food.  Go organic when you can.

4. Share meals with family members and neighbors.  My sister and I have a weekly exchange (we live on the same street).  On ever other Tuesday whatever I make, I double and bring her half.  On her alternate Tuesday she does the same for me.  It works out great, saves us time and makes eating dinner a bit different.  I do not see why this would not work for neighbors.  Try it!  It is also fun.

5. Stop going into stores.  It is magical.  I have not been in a store in weeks.  I have no reason to go.  I hate shopping anyway, my kids are older now so if they need something, they can go and get it.  I occasionally will have to go since I do like to look sort of fashionable, but right now, I have no need for anything. I do like to go to the grocery store and/or farmer’s markets but I have heard that the food delivery trucks are actually a good thing.  Try it!

6. Stop going out to the movies.  I know a lot of people have stopped doing this, but I love movies and especially watching them on the big screen, but you know what?  Most movies are just lousy.  I am renting a lot more.  The savings are big.

I do have a few exceptions to frugal living.  I am not extravagant, but I try to do 20% tips when I can in places where I feel the help works hard and let’s face it, make a lot less than we do.  I also give raises to my household help without their asking and always tip them generously during the holiday season.  My giving patterns are not changing.  I am just trying not to be wasteful in my own life as much as I can. 

Teacher Appreciation Week

This week is an official Teacher Appreciation Week here in our great state of California.  I just found this out because although I am extremely active in our PTA and our high school athletic booster club and our high school foundation, I tend not to worry about things like this and as I have found out, neither did anyone else at our school!  Yikes.  Not good.  The thing is that because there are a handful of us who are active at our high school, we already do a lot of stuff for our wonderful teachers.  Each of them may request a grant each year for $2200 for anything that they would like for their classrooms - the money is raised from our foundation and our PTSA.  We have over 80 teachers at our school.  No teacher has ever been turned down for a grant request.  This happens EVERY year.  In addition, each of them gets a delicious chocolate Sees Candy truffle and card for their birthdays.  Each month, there is a big spread of homemade food, cookies, savories and sweets for their faculty meetings.  At the beginning of the year there is a big Welcome Brunch and at the end of the Year there is an End of the Year luncheon.  These are all homemade and prepared with love and attention.  I have been managing a lot of these activities for the past two years (and am committed to the next two years) with the help of some really special and amazing moms and dads.  I pray that our teachers forgive us that this week “all” they are getting is another special faculty meeting spread with a big balloon bouquet saying We Love Our Teachers.  Next year, I vow to remember in advance that there is a special week dedicated to appreciating our teachers and I will make sure that we do something in honor of that too.  The worst thing in the world is for a wonderful teaching staff not to feel appreciated because let’s face it, a good teacher/coach is the best thing that can ever happen to a teenager, and I certainly would never want any of the wonderful teachers at our son’s high school not to know that we know this truth in our hearts and we wish to express it through our actions.  Go hug a teacher today!

WordPress links

Wow.  WordPress is doing this new gimmick that automatically links one’s blogs to other blogs that are often writing about similar sorts of things such as in my case: teenagers, high schools, colleges and education etc…My stats are jumping, BUT I don’t want big stats — I know, I am weird like that.  I actually like the small little world that feels like a cozy clique.  I feel that I know most of my readers (even though only about 4 of you write to me or comment on my blog and I do like that a lot!), and of course there are some regulars who link to me (thank you for that) and there is also that small group of lurkers who do not comment (ever) but who sometimes write to me which is also fine.  Now though this linking thing could lead to my being outed.  So I am thinking about getting rid of my picture which is about the only id I have on my blog.  I still feel that being known could be bad for my family.  Although I try to be discreet (not always) and have taken down posts in the past, I still worry about the infinity of cyberspace.  On the other hand, what am I really talking about here?  Just life and my feelings about it.  So who the hell cares?  A little more honesty in this world about how regular (or sort of regular - I try to be regular) people live their lives might be a good thing.