Be Careful What You Wish For?

All along I have been saying that the main thing for the boy would be for him to have choices.  I honestly believe that with my whole heart.  But now my mind is racing with all the possibilities.  I am not conveying that anxiety to him.  You would be very proud of me.  I am just writing it down here and sharing it with my husband.  The reality is this:  Choices are good.  But they can be confusing.  It is so much different than what was good for the girl so I am way out of my comfort zone.  Plus we live 3000 miles away from many of the schools that are interested in him, and I honestly have no way for him to go and personally see them without a lot of exhausting travel.  So I am googling the schools, picking brains and determing that what it all might come down to is this:

1. Choose no more than 5 or maybe 10 schools (NO MORE) that you like and are interested in based on the coach’s personality, what we can learn about the school objectively, your chances of acceptance in general and the roster of kids on the team now (like where are they from?  Did everyone attend a fancy prep/boarding school?  Is everyone’s name Lafayette Morgan Astor III?  Percentage of kids who are white white white white in general?  Lots of pot smoking? *(UGH) drinking?* (UGH) Trust fundish types?)  I know – don’t make assumptions, but this is where my kid is going to go for 4 years, and I would like him to be around a diverse group where being Jewish is part of the whole and although I realize we have resources, we are far far far from trust fundish values etc…

2.  After the above have been vetted, then check out facilities, academics, ratio of professors to students, ratio of hard work to fun (fun NOT being drinking, pot smoking etc…) and living situation (healthy food, good living space for four years, summer encouragement either with internships and/or summer baseball with balance.

3.  Apply.  Find out where you are accepted.  Find out who really does want you to play.  VISIT only those schools in the spring who #1. Have accepted you and #2 You like on paper.  Hopefully you are going to only have to choose between two or at the most three schools. 

4.  Decide.  Maybe, just maybe between the two or three schools left at the end, you get a bit of merit aid.  Not that I believe that should be a deciding factor, but it might help take the pressure off of our future finances.

As a caveat, we have one more academic showcase to attend in August.  Several of those schools are actually on our coast, and if they are interested after that event, then again back to the drawing board if interest follows, but with the added bonus of them being closer so more easy to visit and check out for ourselves.  The schools that we visited during spring break also gave us a good sense of what the boy does and does not like.  However those schools are probably not going to want him for baseball as they were almost all D1 schools so in the days before playing baseball for a school were not so real, they seemed like awesome choices for college in general, but now, the boy is saying, I only want to apply to those schools where I can play.  OK so some narrowing down has occurred.

This blog will probably be ad nausea about the college process.  Just skip it ok when it gets too boring?  I know I do not have to tell you that!

*Just a note to say that I know some kids drink and smoke pot in general, but in general neither of my kids do.  I am not claiming that they have never touched a drop nor ever tried a drug, but I know for a fact that neither of them do these things in general, and I know for a fact that neither of them would be comfortable at a school where the main activity are those two.  Please do not send me emails or comments about this.  It is honestly a waste of your time and mine.  I know as a parent what I want for my kids, and I also know that when we are spending the kind of money that it costs these days that we do have a say in where they go.  That part is really clear.  DO NOT WASTE OUR MONEY.  IT is hard earned.  Also despite the fact that some kids do drink and take drugs, many kids do not, and they would not be comfortable around those who do.  You do not have to trust me on this if you do not want to, but I ask only that I am not inviting comments about this or emails.  Yes I know that some universities have substance free living, but I prefer in general that my kids not have to be in a dorm that has to designate itself as such because it makes me feel that there is far too much of the other around in those schools.

It was the best of times…it was the worst of times

The girl is very happy in New York City, but New York City is dirty as all get out, and she often gets headaches.  She actually had a really scary episode the other day where the paramedics had to be called because she had what we think is an atypical migraine where her speech began to slur and she could not stand etc…The paramedics checked her, and she was fine after about 20 minutes, but the theory is that it is related to the headaches and perhaps this is the beginning of a migraine sort of problem.  The appointment with a well known neurologist in a well respected group in New York City is this week.  Part of me is not thinking of anything horrible (just occasionally worries about brain tumors or brain damage slip in), and I will be relieved when it turns out to be something manageable.  However, I am convinced that she cannot live in a large urban city.  She is much too sensitive to noise, pollution, dirt, stress and smells.  All of these are migraine triggers.  I am grateful she is in big city this time with her health issues.  Of course our insurance will not pay for anything and again, it is good to have money.

The boy has been very happy with his baseball and academic prospects right now.  There is solid interest from some good colleges, and we have every right to believe that it really might all work out for the boy.  Still there is a nagging feeling inside that it might all go “poof”, and he will not have a chance to play both baseball and go to college as he is dreaming at the moment.  I am not certain what to think.  I am old and wise enough to know that interest does not = commitment at this time.  The boy is also thinking that he might want to apply to just one college early decision and then be done with it all by mid-December which would be the least stressful way to enjoy his senior year.  I get that.  The girl did that.  But she also did something called “early decision” which at the time (4 years ago) was a more popular option than it is now.  Early Decision is the best because it is not binding.  You find out early from one college, but you still apply to others, and you can decide in May.  Most colleges do not allow that now except for a very few and none of the ones that the boy wants allow that.  So that means he would have to decide by the end of October.  That also means that a college would have to know by then about the boy and baseball.  I am really wondering if any of them will make a commitment to him by then?  It seems a bit soon.  The other problem is that although Division 1 sports have a letter of intent by November, Division 3 never has a binding sort of agreement with an athlete.  I just do not want the boy to get in over his head.

We have one visit planned to the college of his choice, which is the one most interested in him, in October.  The assistant coach has seen him play, the head coach has been in frequent communication with him, and they have asked for the visit.  They know his grades, SAT scores and extra curriculars meet their high standards.  Unless they lose interest  or find many other boys wanting to attend who can play ball, and who have the grades for admission, then I do think early decision might be the best idea.  I want to see if they are straight with us too.  I know that Division 3 cannot give scholarships nor absolute assurance of acceptance (the admission committee is responsible for that), but if the indications were both that he would be accepted, and if accepted would be playing baseball, then that really might be best.  The other schools so far have not been quite as positive as this one.  The other downside to early decision is that you pay top dollar.  If they know you want them and they want you early, you lose out on any financial incentives.  Although we do not qualify for any financial aid (understandable), the boy is a good enough student that if he wanted to attend another school, and this school wanted him, they could offer “merit” aid.  Several of our friends kids have been able to cut their college bills down with this offer.  That would help ease the pain of shelling out $200,000 over four years once again.   As mentioned in previous posts, we have no loans.  We would really like not to have loans again, but in this economy…there is just not that sort of cash in the bank right now.  So if you do early decision, then there is rarely an offer of merit aid so many people prefer not to do that, and I am wondering if we should too.  Still having less stress is really really really appealing, and maybe is worth a few thousand dollars too!

So this is all very exciting, but also very nerve wracking too (both the girl’s situation and the boy’s).

Guilt

Sometimes when you write a blog and especially when the blog you write is truly anonymous (or you think it is), you forget that real people do read what you have to say (surprising as that may be).  I try not to edit myself too much because then the blog would not be true to what I actually think or do or say in my life.  Still I received a long comment after my post the other day about Michael Jackson and his use/misuse of drugs.  For those of you who do read my blog, you know that I am pretty anti-drug (for good or for ill).  Not only because I am so “pure” but also because I am deeply suspicious of foreign things being put in my body and also because I am a worrier so I always consider that if I take such and so then what will be the consequence?  For example during my recent ear infection debacle, (by the way the trip to the urgent care was over $300.  Yeah.  How crazy is that?), I was given the medical advice to put antibiotic ear drops in my ears.  Well, one week later, my ears were not hurting but I could not hear anything and at my son’s appointment to his pediatrician, the doc looked inside and told me to stop taking those drops because I had a middle ear infection and what I needed was an oral antibiotic.  OK so I started taking what he recommended and then I had other side effects and I just stopped taking it all.  I can still feel a little fluid inside my middle ear, but it is definitely better.  The long and short of this is to say that I just am suspicious of meds.  That is just me.  It doesn’t make me right.  It doesn’t make me better than somebody else.  I do have some serious medical stuff (being an amputee) so I know what pain is.  But what is wrong with me is not life threatening nor do I find it mentally destabilizing so for what it is worth, I just personally am against medications.  For me.  For most people I know if they stopped taking their meds, they might die.  I obviously do not rail against those.  For other people they need meds for mental health.  Obviously I am for mental health.  So whatever I say here, please know, it is not a criticism against any of you.  I will however take a stand against abuse of drugs in general and use of drugs for anything that resembles pleasure or escape instead of health.   I hope that is clear, and that I have not offended anyone in any way.

Home Again, Home Again, Giggety Gig…

Another baseball long weekend.  Can I say 113 degrees?  I know.  Eggs were fried on sidewalks.   The kid is still struggling at the plate, but doing well everywhere else.  He went to a great academic showcase where wonderful universities watched the boys play games and do practice.  All in all, he fit right in and although I know he wished he had been the kid with the home run and the doubles etc…, there were not many who were managing that in the stressful environment.  The coaches all said what they were really wanting to see was talent, attitude, hustle and character.  The ones who seemed interested in the boy, told him that.  He talked to them about his stats and assured them that what they saw at the plate over the past two days was not what he usually produces.  I think they knew that because he had sent them his stats previously and his video.

It is going to be really fascinating to see how it all shakes out for the boy.  I am actually thinking that it might really turn out that he is going to be able to play baseball in college.  How cool is that?  (This is not scholarship type play btw – that is rare and not what the boy is about).    I am really happy to be home though because it was hot as hades.

Michael Jackson – The King of Pop

I honestly cannot believe that once again prescription drugs are the cause of another great artist’s death.  Although Michael Jackson had more than his share of oddities and even criminal behavior (he was acquited of the molestation charges, but still one wonders…), he was a great musician and an incredible dancer.  I am certain that his lifestyle more than made him a bit crazy and the only thing I can think of now is that maybe his three children have a chance to be a bit more normal than they obviously were going to be.  But then again, how would that be possible?  I am certain that they will miss their father horribly (you do not get over losing your father at that young age) and the question of who will raise them is going to be a protracted legal fight from everything I am hearing now.

From all accounts he was very well loved by those who knew him.  And the world will miss someone whose artistic sensibilities were genius.  I honestly hope that the lesson is taken to heart once again by those people who feel drugs will solve their problems and more drugs will be even better.

Quess What I Have Been Doing?

I know.  My life is so exciting.  Does baseball come to mind?  I knew you would be jealous.  Don’t you wish you could be sitting on hard benches for hours in the boiling sun?  Well, I do have a cushy bench and an umbrella.  Wow.  That just makes it so much more comfortable.  Seriously.

The boy is making me laugh.  Tuesday he had a game, and he really just played badly.  He could not hit anything, but those horrible dribblers.  He came home and told me: well, I guess I cannot play baseball anymore.  Really?  You mean after one bad game, you cannot get your swing back?  Yes.  He said he knew what he was doing wrong (then proceeded to regale me with a detailed analysis of his swing), but for whatever reason could not correct it.  Gosh it just seems so odd to me that you were All-League just a month ago, and now you cannot play at all after ONE. Game.  Sounds like a philosophy to live by.

Yesterday, lo and behold.  He got it all straightened out.  Funny.  He also finally finished putting together his recruiting video.  My god but that was a complicated process.  He is happy with it.  I doubt it is too professional etc…but it has the basics and a great interview of his coach about him.  It is about 5 minutes long and he is posting it on the website that the “powers that be” recommend you have for college coaches.  The big academic showcase is this coming Monday and Tuesday so he is getting really nervous and excited.  Good thing he got his mojo back.  Just in time.

The girl is totally into being in the big Apple but she says the weather is HORRIBLE.  Rain Pain.

On a side note.  Did I mention that I really am loving my summer?

Summertime!

I am loving my summertime (except for the ear hassle) and so I am really not in the mood to say anything really.  Except, I hope your summertime is beautiful.

My ear actually is slightly better….

I think I will live.  I think.  I appreciate your good wishes.  I find it fascinating that an ear infection is so horrible.  It has actually taken up three blog posts already.

Ready to be my own Doctor

“Take Physic Pomp, Heal Thyself!”  OK that is from King Lear and is in reference to mental health issues, but I feel like the same thing could be said to me today.  As I mentioned, I almost died from my ear infection yesterday and was treating myself, except I got a little worried that I had the wrong ear drops so I broke down and phoned my ENT who I know personally (not well, but social friends).  The office said (WITH A STRAIGHT FACE):” I am so sorry, Dr. So and So is in surgery and has NO appointments until July 2.”  Really?  How odd.  So you mean if you have an ear infection you are supposed to wait two weeks?  “Well, that is when the Doctor can see you.”  I have never heard of such a thing.  When I was a wee lady, Doctors actually set aside parts of their day for INFECTIONS and OTHER EMERGENCIES.  “If you would like, you could see your regular Doctor.”  NO, I do not need to see my regular doctor because he is going to tell me to see you since he is not an ENT and I have a raging ear infection.  “Well you could go to urgent care”  What the f?  Is this the crisis in medical care that even if you can afford it, you still cannot get in to see your own doctor?  I do not even want to fathom what poor people do or timid people do.  Then I said, “Well, please give Dr. So and So a message because I would like to speak to him.”  Sure. (Yeah, like I believe that).  Of course no phone call.  So I have two things to consider:  He never got the message OR he is really a lousy doctor and doesn’t even call his social friends back.  I hate to believe that of him but I find it almost unconscionable not to phone a patient back regardless of whether you know them or not.  If his office is any indication of how he is running his practice, then I am truly disgusted. 

Meanwhile I went to urgent care because I did not feel it was a wise time to expire especially from something as silly as an ear infection.  They were so perfunctory that I almost laughed outloud.  Literally she looked in my ear for about 2 seconds and since she could not see in there because my left ear is about as large as Barak Obama’s due to swelling, she said, “well it is swollen.”  Really?  How astute.  Your medical education cost how much?  Then she looked at what I was dousing myself with and said, “no this is not good.”  OK, I suspected that.  “I will give you a prescription for X”  Great, do you have any free samples – because my wonderful pediatrician (who is worth his weight in gold – I love him LOVE HIM!) always gives us free samples and saves me hundreds of dollars whenever we go which is rare thankfully, but still…and she says, “no, we have no free samples”  Excuse me but I know that is BS.  Fine.  Whatever.  I am desperate.  She says that it should clear up in two days and to keep taking the oral antibiotic which I put myself on two days ago.  OK I did something right.

Guess how much that antibiotic cost?  OVER $150.  YOU HEARD me.  Now how can any normal person afford that?  Meanwhile, the pain is a bit less horrible.  I had a meeting last night and nary a whimper was heard from my lips.  But because I could not see the ENT, I have so much gunk in that ear now that I am deaf and an ENT usually gets all of that crap out of the ear because they have special equipment etc…so now I have to see if it will drain by itself or if I get to spend another million dollars getting it drained by waiting until July 50th or whatever.  Grrrrrrr.

If you do not hear from me in one week, I could be dead.  Could be.  Maybe.

This is my day

Due to a raging ear infection (swimmer’s ear) OUCH.  I keep thinking of King somebody (he was a French king who lived a short time…I think he died at 21 or something and guess what he died of?)  Yes, he had a horrible ear infection and somehow or other it turned into sepsis (theory), and it killed him.  I believe it.  The pain is horrific.  I broke down and took two advil and an aleve(also broke into my stash of antibiotics).  Barely touched it.  I slept horribly. Woke up and actually worked out (I know.  I am so good.) and now cannot tell if it is a little better or if I have to go to the dreaded ENT.  I am going to see if I might die.  If I might die, then I am going.  If I think I will live, I am staying put and reading my beloved Middlemarch.  My personal librarian is going to get me three of the latest biographies.  I love her!  I mean I love her anyway, but having a personal librarian as a friend is absolute heaven.  What do I ever do for her?  Mmmmmm I am going to have to think about that.